My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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