I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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