I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
