i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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