whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
