She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
