Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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