I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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