I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
