ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
