Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize