get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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