I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
