dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
