come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
