Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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