if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize