Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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