who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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