So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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