So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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