how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
