I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
