She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
