i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
