You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
