wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
