Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it because I queefed?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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