mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
