a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
