If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
