I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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