Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
