my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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