I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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