perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
