I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
