If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
