I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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