apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
