just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
