i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
