What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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