It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
