Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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