you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
