If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
