The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
