1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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