my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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