She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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