Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
NoShamevember. You game?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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