I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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