I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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