so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
