I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
