I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hate all girls vehemently.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
