mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
