okay pat passed out under dana's car
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
