Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
