is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
