can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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