She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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