Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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