you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
