loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize