I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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