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Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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