next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
