i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
