look no pants
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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