you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drake has all the answers
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
