someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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