So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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