It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
