some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
