I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
