Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
