So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
