4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
