theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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