I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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