I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
