Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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