Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
