I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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