i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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