No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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