i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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